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Abstract

Using the method of collaborative autoethnography, this study critically reflects on the life stories of three women from different backgrounds by focusing on gender and religion. One of the main aspects that we examined is gender projects, i.e. the projections people make when imagining their future gender roles and identities. As a result of our (self-) observations, we found that, while at first the gender project of those women was formed by the patriarchal gender order of their society, as time progresses, after living through and evaluating a variety of often traumatic experiences, they developed their own gender projects more independently from the constraints of the society. Religion played double roles during this process. Sometimes religious institutions became the space where traumatic experiences occurred and were even promoted, while in other contexts, religious institutions were experienced as safe spaces. However, their personal spirituality and self-transformation tended to be nurtured outside of formal religious institutions. In the end, the evaluation of these plural and complex experiences led us to more awareness of the limitations of religious institutions in accommodating and supporting women’s spirituality, due to their patriarchal gender regimes.

Bahasa Abstract

Dengan menggunakan metode autoetnografi kolaboratif, tulisan ini secara kritis merefleksikan perjalanan hidup tiga orang perempuan dari latar belakang yang beragam dengan fokus pada unsur gender dan agama. Salah satu aspek utama yang menjadi perhatian dalam riset ini adalah gender project, yaitu proyeksi seseorang ke depan dalam membayangkan peran dan identitas gendernya. Sebagai hasil pengamatan, ditemukan bahwa setelah gender project masing-masing yang semula dibentuk oleh tatanan gender patriarkal dalam masyarakat mereka, setelah melewati dan mengevaluasi sekian pengalaman yang tidak jarang traumatis, dalam perkembangannnya, gender project diambil alih oleh mereka sendiri. Agama memainkan peran yang beragam dalam proses itu. Terkadang institusi agama menjadi ruang tempat pengalaman traumatis berlangsung dan difasilitasi, sedangkan dalam konteks yang berbeda, institusi agama dianggap sebagai ruang aman. Namun, spiritualitas pribadi dan transformasi diri ketiga subjek penelitian (merangkap peneliti) cenderung ditumbuhkan di luar institusi agama formal. Pada ujungnya, evaluasi atas pengalaman yang beragam dan kompleks itu membawa kesadaran akan keterbatasan institusi agama dalam mewadahi dan mendukung spiritualitas perempuan karena rezim gender yang patriarkal.

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