Applying positive language in mindful parenting: A means of building positive character in children

Positive language is a crucial communication tool, both within the family environment and in external circumstances. Previous research endeavors have evidenced that the inculcation of positive language by parents is effective in building positive character in their children. Thus, language is not merely a communication tool; it is also a means of personality development. However, this application cannot be realized if parents are unaware. Therefore, the community service activity proposed in this paper aims to broaden and strengthen mindful parenting, and to enhance the discernment of positive language in parents to help them build positive character in their children. To this end, a community-based research process was applied through activities held in a community center to mentor and assist 30 young Muslim couples whom were married for a period of 5 to 20 years. An expert psychologist was engaged to help the participating couples comprehend two perspectives of mindful parenting: language education and psychology. A mini handbook for the application of positive language was distributed to each participating couple as guidance to enable them to continuously employ mindful parenting with their children. This community service activity expanded and reinforced the commitment of all participants to work together to inculcate their children with positive personalities. Parents must be mindful of every single word they say and everything they do if they desire to build a better future generation. The more parents apply positive language in mindful parenting, the more children will be assimilated with constructive personalities.

healthy parent-child relationships and attachments, where communication between parents and children are scarce.
Children are nurtured, formed, grow up, and are most influenced by the family environment. However, the family unit, which is the closest emotional tether for a child, is challenged and disrupted in the present environment. It is widely accepted that the involvement of parents is associated with improved educational outcomes in children (Daniel, Wang, & Berthelsen, 2016). Unfortunately, most families do not have enough knowledge or information about how to deal with the rapidly changing environmental circumstances. Additionally, most couples are not sufficiently prepared to become parents of children for whom they must take full responsibility in the family environment and for whom they must become role models. Parents seem to lose their vision and mission of inculcating appropriate principles and values in their children as the future generation who will inherit the world. Instead, parents appear to let their children grow up in response to the demands of fast-changing circumstances in which To negotiate the effects of the disruptions caused by the advances in information and technology, several research initiatives have examined ways to find the appropriate solutions to this contemporary problem. One such answer is mindful parenting. An evaluation was conducted in 2010 to assess the efficacy of mindful parenting programs in changing the state of alertness in parents, in altering child management practices, and in ameliorating relationships with early adolescent children. The findings revealed that family risk can be mitigated and protection during a child's transition into adolescence can be enhanced by infusing mindful parenting activities into existing empirically validated parenting programs (Coatsworth, Duncan, Greenberg, & Nix, 2010).
A recent study on mindful parenting conducted in 2016 defined mindful parenting as a set of parental practices or skills that seek to enhance moment-to-moment awareness in the parent-child relationship. This study engaged the participation of 333 parents and utilized several parenting styles. The results revealed that higher levels of dispositional mindfulness and self-compassion are associated with higher levels of mindful parenting which, in turn, is associated with lower levels of parenting stress, higher levels of authoritative parenting, and lower levels of authoritarian and permissive parenting styles (Gouveia, Carona, Canavarro, & Moreira, 2016).
In the same year, another study on parenting styles focused on family communication and examined the use of positive language as an important tool for building positive characters in children. Several interventions of community-based research activities on positive language were utilized to socialize and mentor parents. The study scrutinized the positive language used by 118 participating mothers to build positive behavior in their children. The results of this investigation evinced that only 26.27 % of the participants implemented positive language within their family environment. Most mothers found it very difficult to implement the learnings about positive language because they had to discharge several responsibilities including schooling-related issues, household chores, financial duties, and so on. Mothers appeared to perform all the child-related responsibilities on their own without any effective support from other family members, particularly from their husbands. Therefore, further research is needed to engage fathers in encouraging the use of positive language in family environment (Rosyada & Retnomurti, 2017).
Such imperfect circumstances often appear to cause a high risk of depression in mothers, which also triggers depressive tendencies in other family members, mostly children. Several previous investigations (Ball, 2010;Seals, 2018) have discovered that family circumstances affect the identity development of children and influence a child's ability to negotiate its present and future environments. Hence, mothers and fathers must take equal responsibility for their children and must collaborate to undertake the family education of their children, particularly in the task of developing positive characteristics in their progeny. Early childhood care and development programs are essential for the successful engagement of children in the subsequent stages of formal education.
Other research projects (Lexmond & Reeves, 2009) have also proved that parents are the primary character builders in a society. The level of warmth, responsiveness, control and discipline in the parental approach to children exert a major influence on the character and capability development of children. Since recent social and economic changes have placed a premium on personality and ability, these aspects are even more crucial to success. Thus, children must be accorded an early and fair beginning.
In congruence with the above conditions and previous research endeavors, the community service activity posited in the present paper focused on increasing the involvement of parents in using positive language through mindful parenting to develop positive personalities in their children. The community-based research activities organized in the Muslim community center of Baitul Hasan Jagakarsa purposed to 1) remind parents of their responsibilities relating to the home education of their children; 2) enhance the comprehension of fathers about their roles in the home education of their children; 3) advise and demonstrate the utilization of positive language and mindful parenting; and 4) to assist in the implementation of positive language and mindful parenting. A remarkable output of positive characteristics in children can be attained through the implementation of these four purposes pertaining to positive language (Nix, Bierman, Domitrovich, & Gill, 2013). Fathers and mother's involvement positively contributed to children's cognitive and social emotional development. Fathers and mothers who participated in more frequent home literacy involvement, such as shared book reading, had children with better reading, math, and social emotional outcomes in preschool (Baker, 2013).

Methods
The activity that forms the subject of the present paper was conducted in the Muslim community center of Baitul Hasan Jagakarsa, located in Jln. Moch. Kahfi II No. 44 RT 002 RW 001 Kelurahan Jagakarsa, Kecamatan Jagakarsa, Jakarta Selatan, DKI Jakarta. The community center's membership ranges from children under 5 years old to the elderly aged above 60 and their numbers exceed 500 people living in four sub-districts: Lenteng Agung, Jagakarsa, Srengseng Sawah, and Ciganjur. All members of the community center engage in weekly activities to receive the learnings of Al Quran and Al Hadith. In addition, a special monthly forum is held for mothers on the latest Sunday of the month.
This special monthly forum conducts several discussion forums related to education, parenting programs, family health care, older adult care, and other crucial issues. The issues encourage the community members in all level of age to join and to participate in such interesting issues.
The community service activity undertaken for this study involved 30 couples who were married for a period of 5 to 20 years. Most of the participants were parents, and only one couple did not yet have any children. Most of the mothers were homemakers, but several were also teachers or were employed in other positions. Most of the fathers worked in private enterprises; however, a few of them were government employees.
The entire study was accomplished in five months, between February and June 2019.
The community-based research program (Lang et al., 2012) also engaged two members of the community center where the activities were held: an expert psychologist and a mubaligh belonging to the community. The mubaligh, who was involved in the research project is also a 6 th semester student of a consulting program at Indraprasta PGRI University and stood for the psychologist assistant.
The interactive program encompassed the administration of two types of questionnaires as the research instruments: one for parents, and one for children. The questionnaire for parents collected information pertaining to the couples' knowledge of positive language, positive parenting, and mindful parenting. The questionnaire for children gathered data on the parental application of appropriate behavioral education related to a positive home environment. Each questionnaire comprised 20 statements and was scored on a scale of 1 to 3. In this manner, two scoring perspectives were obtained: the participants' answers yielded a minimum score of 20 and a maximum score of 60; the questionnaire items computed a base score of 30 and the uppermost score of 90. The instruments were distributed to the participants who were asked to fill in their responses before the presentation session.
The study was conducted in four phases: 1) foundational exercises; 2) planning; 3) information gathering and analysis; and 4) acting on the findings (Ochocka & Janzen, 2015). The detailed descriptions of the four phases follow.

Laying the foundations.
During the first phase, the research team discussed goals and roles and accomplished tasks such as role clarification, the organization of stakeholders, and the institution of steering groups. Further, the research assumptions were identified also defined at this foundational stage: contextual circumstances were highlighted, and the purpose of the study was elucidated.

Planning
The second phase comprised discussions of perspectives from which to clarify the research questions, the development of methods to collect data, and the formation of an analysis plan. Technically, the team collected adequate information about the needs of the concerned community and prepared the requisite research material based on the team's experiences and relevant extant literature. Several schedules were established, and sundry other arrangements were made with the expert psychologist and the assistant engaged from the community for the purposes of the present study.

Information gathering and analysis.
In this phase, the team arrived at a consensus on the definitions, means, and learning about the collection, analysis, and interpretation of obtained information. The engagement of all participants was encouraged, and they were asked to share their knowledge and experiences with other members to afford discrete insights to the group.
A focus group discussion (FGD) was conducted. In the FGD, there were 3 sessions of activities including opening session and completing questionnaires, presentation and small group discussion session, and summarizing and closing session. Further, all the information was gathered and analyzed by the team.

Acting on findings.
The research team summarized and documented all the obtained information based on the data analysis and interpretation and formulated a mini handbook of guidelines, which was distributed to each participant of the study.

Result and Discussion
The FGD was conducted on March 7, 2019. The information collection activity was divided into three sessions: opening session and completing questionnaires, presentation and small group discussion session, and summarizing and closing session.
All participants attended an interactive presentation session where the material relevant to mindful parenting was introduced to them. They could interrupt the presenter and were encouraged to ask questions on the material. The presentation encompassed two perspectives: psychology and language education perspectives. The psychology aspect covered the challenges posed by the current digital era that affects the children's behavior and personalities and offered solutions to potential difficulties.
The language education standpoint included information on parenting styles, positive parenting, mindful parenting, positive language, and positive personality.
After the presentation, the participants were grouped into several small units of 3 to 5 couples to discuss and to share their understanding and experiences of the role of positive language in positive and mindful parenting. Each group selected a leader who would lead the group discussion and would present the summary of the group discussion. This session was facilitated by the research team. In the final segment, each group presented the summary of its discussions and the research team collated the summaries and derived several key points that emerged from the full forum. In the closing session, the research team presented its conclusions and offered several suggestions to the participants.

Fg. 1 FGD Speakers
Fg. 2 FGD Forum Source: Author (2019) Before the presentation session, the participating couples were assisted in the filling in of the questionnaires querying their knowledge and application of positive language, positive character, and mindful parenting. Each questionnaire comprised 20 statements that yielded a minimum score of 20 and a maximum score of 60. The data obtained from the participant responses to the questionnaire items are presented in the tables that follow. Table 1 displays the scores based on answers provided by each participating couple, both for items that ascertained knowledge and those that were designed to determine the participants' implementation of the abovementioned factors of positive language, positive character, and mindful parenting. In this filling in the questionnaires, each participating couple of husband and wife, could discuss and decide the best answers for the questionnaires. Each number in the column of participants represents one participating couple.        (Gini, Pozzoli, & Hauser, 2011). For children in Indonesia who live in diversity, strengthening the Muslim belief while understanding the differences is a crucial issue.
Meanwhile, all the participating couples or 100% of the respondents share the value described in item 4 and asserted that both parents were committed to the belief that positive parenting should be implemented at home jointly by the mother and father.
Parents believe that raising children together is much helpful for both parents and children. The collaborative roles of father, mother, and children will increase positive relationship between parents and children in one side, and in the other side will before enter or exit the home; 6) kissing elder people's hands; 7) saying gratitude when receiving any goods or helps; 8) dare to apologize when doing any mistakes; 9) responsible for cleaning up own bed; 10) responsible for cleaning up own bedroom; 11) responsible for managing private belonging on the right place; 12) putting in any trashes to bin; 13) expressing willingness without crying or yelling; 14) expressing tolerance to others' opinion; 15) playing with friends; 16) repeating lessons every day; 17) completing homework individually; 18) love to reading; 19) love to exercising; and 20) screen time management. All items were scored equally, calculated and performed as a percentage.
In relevance to the application values that statistically calculated in percentage, the data shows that the lowest score of 52.22% was recorded for item 10 and the highest score of 87.78% was registered for item 6. Thus, 52.22% of the participants implement item 10 and hold children responsible for cleaning up their own bedrooms; conversely, 47.78% of the participants do not. This item is related to other values that stated responsible for cleaning up own bed, responsible for managing private belonging on the right place, and putting in any trashes to bin. These three items show the scores over 50%. In this way, the four items express that over 50% of parents are succeed in promoting children's responsibility at home. Being given some rights, responsibilities, and opportunities will develop understandings of how children enact themselves as part of the social circumstances (Larkins, 2014).
For the highest score of 87.78% was registered for the implementation of number 6.
This number stated that teach their children to kiss their elders' hands when they enter or exit the home. Only 12.22% of the participants who do not inculcate the family value of kissing elders' hands in their children. This item is a tradition of Indonesian people in expressing politeness and respect from the younger people to the elder people. In Islam, respecting others especially elder people is related to principle value of Prophet Muhammad SAW stated that, "Respecting elder people, taking care younger people." Children who are accustomed to this value are easily recognized as the Indonesian people, as well as a tradition is preserved as a cultural heritage of Indonesia.
In addition, another high score of 86.67% was recorded for item 15 that stated playing with friends. This item is relevant to item 19 which stated love to exercising.
Both items show that most parents consider the children play with friends and do physical activity with friends. In the disrupted era where the advanced information and technology offers a lot of interesting plays for children has affected physical inactivity.
The physical inactivity becomes a key determinant of health across the lifespan. A lack of activity increases several diseases, such as heart disease, colon and breast cancer, diabetes mellitus, hypertension, osteoporosis, anxiety and depression, and many others (IOM (Institute of Medicine), 2013). Therefore, most parents are consciously and continuously aware to support the children to have enough physical activity with their friends. Most of the parents accompany the children to exercising soccer or martial art "pencak silat" in every once a week. Some of the parents support the children to join a musical course of violin or piano for once a week.
Moreover, item 20 that stated gadget management registered score of 54.44%. The score expresses that over 50% of the parents realize to manage the children screen time, whether it is time for television, computer or laptop, and gadget or smartphone. All participants committed to the credence that the implementation of values is not merely the work of mothers; fathers must also support mothers and undertake joint responsibility for the appropriate nurturing of the next generation. The family environment is constructed from maternal psychological control and the emotional expressiveness of the relational unit. The more a family environment emanates positive emotional expressiveness, the more mothers can exert positive emotional control and lose anxiety; hence, it is vital that family environments should ensure that mothers are not depressed and are able to contribute to the warmth of family relationships. Early father involvement can be another factor in counter-acting risk conditions that might lead to later low attainment levels (Luebbe & Bell, 2014;Kim & Hill, 2015).
Further, all participants pledged that they would contribute more time to and increase their communication with their children. Quality time with the children is very important, so that the children would have enough time to discuss several issues, including their passions and visions. Parents could utilize several media to interact with the children, for instance is a picture storybook. Through this media, key messages on nutrition, parenting, and child behavior using an attractive, colorful and unique appearance are presented (Agustina et al., 2018). With this value, parents can support and directing the children in achieving their visions. They also vouched that they would continuously insert positive language, positive parenting, and mindful parenting into their daily lives and would try to inculcate the best characteristics in their progeny.
Parenting behaviors support the emotional outcomes of children. Parenting styles work over time and across generations as important mechanisms that aid the development of competent or problematic emotional functioning (Stack et al., 2010).
At the end of the forum, all participants realized that positive language is an approach of mindful parenting that is significantly associated with adult mental health and with a child's psychosocial adjustment in early childhood and in later life. Children with language problems have complex needs and such difficulties require early and continuing intervention in the form of educational support and services (Schoon, Parsons, Rush, & Law, 2010). From birth, children are learning and depending on parents and other caregivers in their lives to protect and care for them. The impact of parents may never be greater than during the earliest years of life when a child's brain is rapidly developing, and when mostly all of her or his experiences are created and shaped by parents and the family environment. In this period, parents help children building and refining their knowledge and skills, charting a trajectory for their health and well-being during childhood and beyond (Gadsden, Ford, & Breiner, 2016).
All participants also concluded that language is much more than a mere tool for communication; it also forms a child's identity, both as an individual and as part of a community. A child's language heritage is a vital aspect of selfhood as a child travels through time and space (Lee, 2009;Zhang & Slaughter-Defoe, 2009). It is proven that the linguistic production of culture involves a variety of culture-specific subject positions that speakers enact through language. In fact, language is the most flexible and pervasive system for the cultural production of identity (Brock-Utne, 2017).
After the discussion forum, the research team summarized the collated data into mindful parenting guidelines that were documented in the form of a mini handbook.
Previously, the community has already designed a framework of educating the children An additional value stated that parents must be honest to their children is registered in item 7. This value is identified as one of the missing values that parents usually apply in their everyday life. Parents unconsciously deny this value for some circumstances.
For instance, when parents must visit a doctor or go to a hospital where this is not an appropriate place for the children due to their age and health, parents usually tell the children not to come and frighten the children with untrue story of the place. Another example, parents are easily promising things unconsciously without in-depth determination. When parents go to a market and children ask to buy something, parents easily agree with the request and promise to fulfil it in another time. Unfortunately, parents deny the promise and fulfil it. Despite of saying untrue story or promising unfulfil requirements, parents are encouraged to say the truth and offer alternatives for the children's wants. In Islam, dis-honesty is an unacceptable value and there is no parenting by lying (Heyman, Luu, & Lee, 2009). For that reason, the value of honesty should be inserted in the guideline for parents have to be conscious of every single word they say and everything they do.
Besides the additional value of item 7, other additional value that stated parents must be able to identify attitude changes in their children, is considered. Connected to this item 8 is parents need to be acquainted to their children, since parents are the first and the closest persons for the children. Parents must immediately recognize children's changes in mood and attitudes. This value reminds parents to determine children on gender, boys or girls. The changes of attitudes or body poses are expressively identified on boys, while the changes on mood or facial expressions are emotionally showed on the girls. Early recognition on this item would help parents to guide an intervention and help children to reduce their emotion problems. By reducing the children's emotion problems, parents are preventing children from social and behavioral functioning problems (Parker, Mathis, & Kupersmidt, 2013).
The latest value is item 10 declared that parents must express love toward their children. This value is related to item 6 stated that parents must build mindful communication with their children. It is necessary for children to know that parents love them, and it is showed in the parents' communication with the children. The implementation of mindfulness is proved to be effective in reducing parenting stress and increasing parental responsiveness. Mindfulness constructs parents-children interaction in the more mindful parents are, the more attuned and responsive they are to the children' s needs (Campbell, Thoburn, & Leonard, 2017).
This community service activity for the region covered by the membership of the Muslim community center of Baitul Hasan Jagakarsa broadened the knowledge of participating parents and encouraged their use of positive language in mindful parenting. It is recommended that such interventions should be continuous and should be expanded to other areas and to different communities. If wide coverage can be achieved by such activities to encourage the use of positive language in mindful parenting, a great movement could be initiated to build and preserve positive qualities in the future generation of Indonesia.

Conclusion
The community service activity promoting the implementation of positive language in mindful parenting as a means of building positive personalities in children was conducted in the Muslim community center of Baitul Hasan Jagakarsa. The primary activity comprised an FGD for 30 participating couples who had been married between 5 and 20 years. This activity increased the participants' knowledge and awareness about inculcating the best possible characteristics in their children. The participants were reminded to be mindful in every thought, expression, and deed committed within the family environment, particularly in the presence of children, who are wonderful imitators of adult role models. Father and mother should undertake joint responsibility for the appropriate nurturing of the next generation.
This community service activity successfully engaged, discussed, summarized, concluded, and formulated authentic guided values based on the community needs.
Since the concern of building the best characters on children is every parents awareness in every religion in Indonesia, this guided value is intended not only to the current community but also to different communities. It is every parents' responsibilities to keeping up the best children personalities to be preserved. Other people may enter and exit the lives of children across space and time, but parents are always their best